Camp Fire, Paradise November 8th 2018
I
Clay outlasts everything else.
Porcelain nestles
intact, cushioned in ash.
Fridge, dishwasher, stove, all
the fussy rituals of daily life
vaporized. Think
about the layers of a house
walls, insulation, ceiling, heavy beamed rafters,
attic, roof, tiles… my insignificant
furniture, trinkets
condensed into three feet
of ash. Then, rain, flash flood, sludge.
My Pompeii.
II
Evacuation orders were lifted
right around Christmas. I came up after New Year,
almost eight weeks after the fire. I dug.
It’s toxic, you said. Yes
but so is not searching. There are only a few things.
One is the sapphire and diamond ring you gave me
at our twenty year mark. You joked
that you figured I was worth it by then.
Maybe not a joke. I dug
where my jewelry was hidden
in a locked cabinet in the garage.
Considering all that fell to the flames at that spot –
roof, rafters, camping gear, I expected to dig several feet.
But, after just a few inches of fine grey silt, it offered itself to me.
A congealed lump of twisted chains and beads
fused to a statue of the Madonna.
III
Madonna Gaia
You haunted the halls of the convent. I quaked in bed,
watched you walk through walls of the dormitory.
Really, I did. But I was a believer then,
or obedient. Are they the same thing?
They stripped you
of your sex, perpetual virgin.
Despite my rejection of all that whispered of sin
somehow I took you with me. In with my sacred
totems, I placed your statue, eyes downcast,
chaste robe unruffled by the babe on your hip.
How is it that you sealed yourself
to my treasure?
Welded deep in that rock of chain and beads
may be the 20 year sapphire ring.
I will not chip away to find it.
It may be there.
Like so many things that matter,
that may be enough.
Madonna,
I, who am letting go
beg you
to hold on.
“Things I Discovered After” will appear in After/Ashes, an Anthology of Paradise/Camp fire.
Your spiritual soul so forgiving of the fire, that natural, wild force that didn’t know any better. Lovely to find the Madonna taking care of your precious things, I don’t blame you for not wanting to chip away at Natures’ work. It’s spectacular as it is, and the Madonna is still perfect. She’s reminding us that family and friends are the most important things, and are all we need. Keep shining the light, Sister.
My heart was breaking reading this. Just yesterday, the choir I am a member of sang the old Mamas and Papas song California Dreamin’ for the first time.
I had requested and suggested this song not long after the Paradise Fire, as a new arrangement for The Harlequin Rock Choir..we sang the song just next to a church here in South Eastern Spain. Somehow, we didn’t do the memory justice…..but my sister did with her reflection and pain.